I really don't feel much different. Actually, maybe that's not fully true because my hair used to be such a part of my day and my life and now its just not. I wonder if I look different to people. I wonder what the underclassmen think. I've gotten a lot of support from my friends and peers in my grade. I had a dream where I realized I wasn't wearing my headcovering, but I didn't really care. I can't tell if this is incredibly stupid or incredibly smart & spiritual. I feel like if I really wanted to separate myself I would/should just become a nun or live some other form of a radical life. Like only own like five articles of clothing and they should all be black. I think there is more than this, should modest dressing really be fashionable? Doesn't that attract attention? Is buying a five hundred dollar dress really humble?
We haven't had school in a couple of days, but I still have had to dress modestly when I go out. Even to walk the dog or take a picture. There are many times when a friend would put a picture of me on Snapchat "exposed" and I don't really know how I feel about it. I wore leggings today to take the dog out. I feel like there's so many rules. Am I not a rule follower? What are the point of these rules, what do they do? I have felt no closer or farther from God in this process. Or is dressing modestly not following the rules of society; but it's following a religion. Which on is worse? Which one is better?
I avoid getting my head wrap in pictures. In health we talked about how we dress and one of the questions addressed if we dress the way we do for personal beliefs. I said no because I don't believe I or anyone has to dress modestly. Modesty is very interesting and beautiful. But, I feel fake when I'm dressed like this. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm covering my hair. People keep using the term "conservative". Ugh. I don't like that word. I don't feel like I am dressing conservatively. I'm dressing modestly. But, what's the difference really? Maybe I just don't like the term conservative because it's associated with Republicans.
Oh, so apparently my long grey maxi dress is not actually modest because you see the shape of my butt. Oh. Well. I'm over it... for myself. I'm not over researching modesty. But, I am so over dressing this way. This is such a personal thing, so it's very interesting how it is so rooted in organized religion. No one should tell you how to dress or how to live. It should be between you and God or you and yourself, depending on who you are.
Wearing a headscarf is strange, but at the same time I feel no different. I feel not different at church.
I almost left the house "exposed". But then I changed. I made a commitment, so I will keep it! Such a commitment to even just take the dog out.
Do men/people get the wrong idea if you show a lot of skin? How will people know if I'm a Christian if I don't dress modestly? How will people know I'm abstinent? Is covering the best way? I don't really want to cover.
At this point I'm still just thinking about what other people think about me. Was this a weird thing to do? Should I have gotten my capstone approved before I started dressing like this?
I feel not really any different. My future doesn't really seem to involve modesty at the moment. But, my future is also a cloudy blur s
Welcome to how my brain works on a daily basis:
Today everyone seemed really interested & understanding about my project. This one girl (we kind of talk but you know it's one of those complicated acquaintanceships lol) was really interested and kept asking me all these questions. She seemed approving. Really I don't need anyones approval for the way I dress, however since it is a academic project it is nice to hear other peoples views and know that they approve/are interested.
I love to hear everyones different opinions on modesty, and today my hijabi friend said how really Muslim women should only wear dull colors and overgarments. I thought this was great because she doesn't do either of these things, which shows how modesty is so complex and is not simple for any person. She said, "It's all about not gaining the attention of men." I wonder if we could allow ourselves to go even further and say modesty is about not gaining attention in general (but is that even true?) Many people interpret things differently because we are different people.